I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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