Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
