is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
