i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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