You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
