you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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