I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
