Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
