I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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