If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
