so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
