Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
