return my video game
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
