I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize