You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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