Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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