I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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