quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
