Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
