omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
