My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
