I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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