I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
