so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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