i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
