Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
