my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
