He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
