why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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