My sheets look like a crime scene.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
