She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
