Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
