we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
