brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
