I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
