what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
