WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
