He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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