Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He felt like a one man threesome
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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