You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
