I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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