He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
