I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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