I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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