You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
