uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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