I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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