okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
