my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
