I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
