I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
