"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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