Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
PANTIES FOUND
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
