I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
