Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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