is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
