i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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