Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
