First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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