meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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