You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
