note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's blow job season.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
