Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
