i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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