Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
