once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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