I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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