We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
