i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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