what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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