It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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