After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
